There's all sort of film festivals around, most of them rather pretentious.  But there's one film festival that we like, a film festival dedicated to watching...

By Crystal Guillory

History is full of stories of major events getting their start in a
salon or tavern. However, I don't think any such event had its start at a pizza party.

But that was the humble start of the New Orleans Worst Film Festival back in 1990.

A group of people had gathered at the home of Alfred Richard for a night of good (homemade) pizza and bad movies. This group has always been interested in bad films so such a gathering was normal. During the festivities (or should I say pain considering that we were watching The Brain That Would Not Die) Alfred wondered if we could put on our own worst film festival. Any other group of people would have quickly dismissed the idea, however we liked the idea. An artist friend put together a logo, some ideas were hashed out and before we knew it a festival was born.

The months to the festival went by quickly; however it was a rough
climb. A local business referred to us as "crackpots" when we approached them for support and some of the local fans thought the idea of the fest was a joke. We quickly convinced the fans we were earnest about the idea and interest started to grow. A major break came in the form of an article in the newspaper about us and a radio interview in which the public kept calling in and talking about the bad movies they enjoyed. We knew we were going to have a good turnout this first year.

In life some rain must fall, and that was so true of the first year. We woke up to a heavy downpour. We still set up for the fest, hoping to get an audience. To our surprise people did come out in the rain to see this. So we showed them Cat Women On The Moon, Robot Monster, and The Creeping Terror to name a few movies. The funniest part of the day came when a group of staff people found an old carpet, put it on them and went into the theater as "The Creeping Terror."

Then came the payoff--ending the festival with Plan 9 From Outer Space. The audience was happy and coming back next year. Whatever were we getting ourselves into now?

The second year the people came back as we showed them more classics of bad and/or cult films. As part of our lineup we showed the Three Stooges The Outlaws Is Coming, starring Adam West and a cast of local Three Stooges hosts. One of these was a local sportscaster by the name of Wayne Mack who in his early broadcasting days was known as "The Great MacNutt."  We invited him to come and speak at our festival before the movie. He had amusing stories to tell about the filming of the movie and riding around LA with Adam West.

The visit with Mr. Mack was the calm before the storm of nausea that would attack us later as we watched Can't Stop The Music. This is the rags-to-riches tale of the rise of the Village People, with Bruce Jenner and Valerie Perrine. Yes, I know this technically not a horror movie, but you should have heard the screams of terror when Valerie asked the Village People to do a reprise of their number "The Milkshake."  Chills came down my back when I heard the screams of agony, for I thought I heard the souls of the damned at that moment. It was at that moment when a staff person grabbed a microphone and said " Ladies and gentlemen, WE ARE IN HELL!" How we survived that moment I still don't know.

The third year was nicknamed "Year Of The Killer Tomato" for we were showing Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes that year. The audience winced appropriately during the musical numbers and laughed at the tomatoes attacking humans. I wisely resisted the urge for a BLT sandwich that evening when getting dinner. The last movie of the night was the classic race relations movie The Thing With Two Heads starring Rosie Grier and Ray Milland.  Can two grown men share the same body without driving each other crazy (cue The Odd Couple TV series theme music here)?

The growth of the past few years had made it necessary to move to a new place, so we moved to the spacious auditorium of a local high school.  It did take a little while to get used to our new surroundings, but pretty soon we knew the place very well. Pretty soon the audience responded to the pain we were giving out that year, such as with the film Rhinestone.  I could not think of a more terrifying pairing than Sly Stallone and Dolly Parton in a country-western musical. Almost makes the monster battle movies of the past (Dracula Vs. Frankenstein, etc.) seem like a walk in the park. This was also the year we got a fairly good movie It! The Terror Beyond Space, due to a last minute mix-up from our film distributor.

Year five was the big year of celebration! Many people came to celebrate with us and watch some of the classics(?) and some new ones. This is the year that we discovered the Italian cheapie Seven Dwarves To The Rescue.   This involves a large-chested princess being rescued by the dwarves. This is the movie that got us many death threats. However as the audience sat down to watch Plan 9 that night, there was a hush across the crowd (rather a stunned silence).

Year six was the end of an era for it was the last year we used 16mm film. To commemorate this we showed Transylvania-65000 and Leonard Part 6 that year. Once again leaving the audience stunned beyond words.

The year seven was the first year of the new format of video. With the use of a projector we were able to show our dreck on a screen.   However we were not to stop using film entirely, for in the middle of the festival we had a shorts festival . These were all of the educational films student were forced to watch years ago. Oh, the terror of seeing William Shatner in William Shatner's Getting Sick And Getting Well, Safe Driving Techniques and Beef Steak In The Grass. Ray Dennis Steckler's Rat Pfink A Boo-Boo was the hit of the day as was The Brain That Would Not Die.

The next year we saluted the ladies with special programming such as The Astounding She Monster, Attack of the Spider Woman and Queen of Outer Space with the great line from Zsa Zsa Gabor, "I hay dot qveen."

Another big part of this event was live performance of the band Consortium Of Genius throughout the day who had the audience rocking in their seats.

Which brings us to year nine, which was this past year.  This was the year of cheesy monster movies such as Alligator People, The Violent Years (is there anything scarier than a female angora sweater-wearing gang?), Reptilicus, Teenagers From Outer Space, King Kong Vs. Godzilla, and From Hell It Came.

The people came out to see these classics (?) and to support our cause, The Second Harvesters Food Bank of New Orleans.  People stayed until the bitter end, walking out of the theater bleary-eyed but smiling. I hoped that none of them would be pulled over by traffic cops on the way home.

So now we are in the planning stages of year ten. Oh God, hard to
believe it has been that long. So the story will continue on June 10,
2000. Come to the NOWFF website  to subscribe to updates on the fest. If you are at a convention where we have a video room, please drop by and say hello. I hope that you all will join us for bad films in the dark next year in the Big Easy!

(By the way, The New Orleans Worst Film Festival will be  hosting the 40th anniversary of Plan 9 From Outer Space on Friday, October 29, 1999. The place will be Movie Pitchers on Beinville Street in New Orleans. The time will be for midnight with doors opening at 11pm. The price is $6 and a sack of food for the Second Harvesters Food Bank. Consult the website for details or e-mail Alfred Richard (President) or Crystal Guillory.  Costumes are encouraged.)

Thanks so much, Crystal, for telling us all about your film festival.  It sounds even more outré than the French Quarter!  Cheers!

Article copyright Crystal Guillory

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