Hey, gang, it may be August, but we still have some summer left and why not waste--er, spend it on a touching nostalgic retrospective of deliciously bad teen rock 'n' roll horror flicks, this time also involving the beach, surfing, and a couple of truly goofy-looking "monsters"?   Sound good?  Okay, crawl under the boardwalk with your best boil or ghoul and enjoy our... 

By JOHN COLEMAN

(Note:  This is the second installment of a two-part series detailing the fond memories of Billy Ray, who, last summer, recalled sitting through a drive-in dose of the "Blood Trilogy,"  here and here with his best gal, Bambi.  Now, he recounts what happened when he and his garage band played at a drive-in offering of some of the cheesiest teen flicks even made.  In last month's article, we left Billy Ray and the band halfway through the marathon with no power and no luck.)

It wasn’t as serious as we had first thought. We didn’t blow up the amps, and there was no major power outage in the area. It was just a simple case of a few blown fuses. But by the time the fuses were finally replaced, it was time for the next movie.

No second set, and no "Summertime Blues" except for the blues of disappointment I’m feeling right now. But you never know, sometimes it just goes like that in the crazy world of rock and roll.

The third movie of the evening was from 1964 and called The Horror Of Party Beach. If there isn’t any surf music in this one, I’ll be disappointed, buy, hey, it’s okay, surfin’ music right from the top.

While the credits run, a couple are cruising down the highway in an MG. They’re pursued by a cycle gang, and boyfriend gets ticked off when girlfriend starts waving at them. I can already see where this is going. Six songs are listed in the credits, and I think this intro one is called "Drag."

Now, the credits don’t mention it, but I’m pretty sure the band doing the music in this movie is called the Del-Aires. They were out of New Jersey, and I read where thy broke up shortly after this movie was released. Seems some fan got rowdy after one of their gigs and killed a couple police officers. That put the skids on performances by any band for awhile. Public nuisance!

Our quibbling couple arrive at the beach. Tina’s been hitting the booze, and quite the independent woman that she is, she tells Hank to get lost. The next scene finds us on a garbage scow, where the crew is dumping radioactive waste. Just an everyday occurrence, I guess! Wouldn’t you know it, when the barrel hits the bottom, the cap comes off the drum, spewing the waste onto what appears to be a human skull.

Well this is some potent radioactive waste, ‘cause as it keeps pouring over the skull, the skull begins to come to life, acquiring more tissue in the process. Once the process is completed, we have our monster! It’s actually more comical than scary, a rip off on The Creature (from the Black Lagoon), but more like a big fish-frog looking thing with hot dogs in its mouth. No, I’m not kidding!

Back to the beach party and our first look at the Del-Aires. They’re doing a number called "Joy Ride," while the kids get to shakin’. The cycle gang shows up, and Tina does a little wiggle for Mike, the gang leader. The camera pans in on a small shoal just off the beach, and we get our first really good look at the monster. Major hot dog breath!

Hank has wandered off by himself until Elaine sneaks up on him. I think she’s moving in. The Del-Aires break in to "Wigglin’ and Wobblin'". These guys are actually pretty good! Tina starts to do a little strip for Mike, but Hank puts a stop to that and a fight ensues. Hank eventually prevails, and with the excitement over, Tina heads for a swim in the ocean. As she swims out to the shoal, the party continues with the Del-Aires doing the "Zombie Stomp." The kids go through some crazy gyrations for this one.

Back at the shoal the monster zeroes in on Tina-- victim #1. Well, no one has noticed yet, so it’s more Del-Aires, this time playing "Elaine", complete with catchy falsetto lead vocal. What now? Screams, a rush to the shore, Tina’s back--her body, anyway.

The police detectives gather to try and figure things out. As ridiculous as it seems, they figure the killer came from the sea. The assistance of Dr. Richard Gavin is sought. He happens to be Elaine’s father, your typical professor type. He’s going to run some tests on some of the evidence left behind, possibly tissue from the monster. Dr. Gavin’s maid, Eulabelle, thinks it’s voodoo!

As Dr. Gavin works in the lab, Elaine shows up and says she is going to skip out on the slumber party that night. (Let’s see - monsters, slumber party, rock and roll - this all seems real familiar, huh?) She phones the girls at the party, who are setting booby traps (not literally!) for the frat boys who they expect are going to crash the party. The party is crashed, all right, but not by the frat boys! Monsters show up. Yeah, plural, suddenly there are two of them. They strike-- victims #2 through #21.

Public panic begins to set in as TV and newspapers spread the story. We next join three gals pulling into town (definitely sound like New Yorkers) discussing the murders. They stop for gas at the Cities Service station, show a little leg to the poor gas jockey, and get directions back to New York. But they manage to get lost and get a flat tire out in the middle of nowhere near a quarry. Guess who’s there? The monsters do them in--victims #22, #23, and #24.

Back at Dr. Gavin’s, Eulabelle is giving Elaine a lecture about her moaning and groaning, and then she has to explain to Elaine the use of her voodoo doll which is supposed to be one of the "zombies." Hank arrives to take Elaine for a ride.

They return to the beach where a more formal evening party is taking place. The Del-Aires are there once again, and start up a slow dance ballad, "You Are Not a Summer Love," requested by Elaine. Hank and Elaine meet on the dance floor. They have that look in their eyes! The mood must be right, because Bambi leans over and gives me a kiss. Decision time, make out or watch the movie!

*          *           *

I don’t think I missed too much! The monsters are stalking two more victims, but just before striking, the girls get a ride. The monsters stomp off to town, attack some mannequins in a store window, and one monster manages to cut off its forearm on the broken glass. The police bring the specimen to Dr. Gavin, and he discovers that the monsters are some sort of human/protozoan hybrid. They feed on human blood. During the exam, Eulabelle spills something on the specimen and it burns up. Dr. Gavin says it was sodium. Sodium will kill these things!

I guess for some comic relief we follow the adventures of two drunks as they leave a cocktail lounge. They discover a dead body, eye gouged out, in a van in the parking lot. Victim #25. The drunks become victims #26 and #27.

Dr. Gavin and Hank also discover that the monsters are radioactive and they can now track them using Geiger counters. Teams are formed for tracking while Hank drives into New York City to acquire a large amount of sodium. Eulabelle tells Dr. Gavin that Elaine has gone to Fingle’s Quarry to test water, near where the three girls were killed. Dr. Gavin leaves to join her.

At the quarry, Elaine tries to avoid the monsters. Meanwhile, Hank gets a police escort back from New York. Elaine manages to twist her ankle and then gets stuck as her foot gets wedged in the rocks. The monsters are getting closer, and now there are even more of them. All of our heroes show up in the nick of time with ample supplies of sodium and proceed to annihilate the monsters.

Our movie ends with Hank and Elaine in a kiss and embrace, and the Del-Aires doing an encore of "Elaine". The credits roll with the cast of characters, and sure enough, the band is the Del-Aires. In fact, I think they were the best part of this movie.

"It’s actually more comical than scary, a rip off on The Creature (from the Black Lagoon), but more like a big fish-frog looking thing with hot dogs in its mouth..."

In keeping with the surf theme of The Horror Of Party Beach and the upcoming movie, we decided to play a quick set of surf songs to wrap up our Rock and Roll Monster Marathon appearance. We played the standards, "Wipe Out" by the Surfaris, "The Wedge" by Dick Dale & His Del-Tones (I really enjoy playing this one, and believe me, our drummer really gets a work out this whole set).

We capped it off with "Surf City" by Jan and Dean and "Fun, Fun, Fun" by the Beach Boys, but let me tell you, those vocals are really tough (Bambi was great at doing all the high parts)!! We were really surprised that at this very late hour, the kids were still pretty eager to get out and shake it up. Fortunately, unlike in the movies, no monsters appeared to drag off all the girls!

It’s really getting late and we still have one more movie to go. The fourth and final movie was The Beach Girls And The Monster from 1965. Not only do we get surf music in this one, but surfin’ film footage, too. The music is by Frank Sinatra, Jr., if you can believe that. This theme song is called "Dance, Baby Dance."

Our story starts on the ocean beach where some bikini clad chicks are twistin’ away to some surf music on their reel to reel tape recorder. They’re joined by some surf dudes for hot dogs, guitar strumming, and a chase along the beach, resulting in some sandy make-out scenes. One of the girls decides to play hide and seek, and comes upon a cave. Who resides there? The beach monster, of course!

And I thought some of the monsters from the earlier movies were pretty cheesy, this one looks like a pointy-headed, fish-i-fied, Donald Duck! He claws and strangles to death our hapless bikinied blond. Her body is quickly discovered, and the police show up to investigate. Here we’re introduced to one of the surf dudes, Richard Lindsay. The police discover footprints that lead back into the ocean.

Cut away now to Richard at home, a rather fancy home at that, where he engages a well dressed and obviously well taken care of woman at the bar. She turns out to be Vickie, his step-mother, and their dislike for each other is obvious. Richard’s father, Dr. Otto Lindsay, returns home before the arguing gets any more heated. Their not so cordial conversation is interrupted by Richard's friend and roommate, Mark.

Once Richard leaves, Dr. Lindsay complains that Richard isn’t spending any time at the lab, but is wasting his time away with his surf pals. We also learn that Richard and Mark were in an auto accident, and Richard feels responsible for the injury to Mark’s leg. Vickie complains that Mark, a sculptor, is taking advantage of both Richard and Otto, and that Otto is more concerned about Richard than her. She warns that Mark and the surf gang will lead Richard further away from his research career, which infuriates Dr. Lindsay.

Mark’s interruption was to show Richard some films from Hawaii that had just arrived. Watching these two guys talk, it just dawned on me that these actors look a bit too old to be playing surfing teens! Oh, well.

Hey, the flick now switches from black and white to some color surf footage and more of that great twangy surf guitar. I think they overdid this part a bit. Guess they couldn’t decide if they were making a surf movie or a monster movie! Mark then shows Richard his latest sculpture, a mermaid in the likeness of Bunny (the blond who was strangled). Mark is also working on a sculpture of Vickie, and in a sick kind of way, I think he has the hots for her.

Let me say here that so far this flick has been pretty boring, especially for this late at night. Looks like Bambi has dozed off, so I'll have to suffer through the rest of this one on my own. The next day, Richard and his gal, Janey, arrive at the home to sit around the pool. Janey is a bit hesitant about returning to the beach. The obnoxious Vickie greets them, and then heads off to the beach. Richard continues to complain about Vickie, but Janey finally drags him off to the pool, and then Mark arrives to tell them about his downer visit to Bunny’s parents.

Vickie completes her swim at the beach, and unknowing to her (it’s a bit far fetched to think she doesn’t notice anything here), she is stalked by the monster. For some reason it decides not to attack her. She really is a sour one! Even the monster can’t stand her!

Vickie next sits for one of Mark’s sculpting sessions, complains of being lonely, (there’s a lotta complainin’ goin’ on around here) and then moves in on Mark. As he returns the passionate kiss, she breaks it off, totally insulting him by calling him a cripple, and then leaves. Mark is really ticked off, and as he begins to destroy her sculpture, he remarks that he’d like to kill her. Can’t say I blame him.

The police bring a cast of the footprints found at the beach to Dr. Lindsay. He says it looks like the South American fantigua fish (fish with feet???), perhaps a mutated one. While Dr. Lindsay expands on his fish theory, the sheriff is still convinced that the murder was done by a human, and then Dr. Lindsay adds that it’s probably those no good surfin’ kids. They’re certainly capable of murder, the guys are loafers and the gals are tramps

Richard and Mark arrive at the lab to give Dr. Lindsay a ride home, and Richard gets lectured by his dad for turning into a beach bum. Richard explains that his near death incident with the accident has made him realize that he wants to play a little and not take things so seriously. His dad just doesn’t understand, and vows to stop him from ruining his life. Then the doctor and Vickie have it out, too, which enrages the doctor to the point of crushing a glass in his hand.

The next morning, Mark limps his way along the beach and comes across some more bikini clad twisters. At least most of the girls in this movie have been pretty hot. Maybe that will be its one redeeming factor! While Mark observes, he seems to feel some self-pity because of his leg injury, and then leaves. That evening, Dr. Lindsay tries to make up with Vickie, but she’ll have nothing of it. She makes a date over the phone, a call which Dr. Lindsay picks up on another phone. He confronts her. End of scene. Could this get any more boring?

Well the big beach bash is on, more twisting and a bongo number. Richard is requested to do a new song, "More Than Wanting You", a love ballad. I can’t tell you if that’s Frank Sinatra, Jr., singing or not. Too bad Bambi is still asleep. I think she really likes these love songs. Oh brother, this is really getting bad! A guy with a puppet of a lion starts doing a song called "There’s A Monster In The Surf." It’s just plain bad, yeah, yeah, yeah!

The kids all head to the water for a night swim and one of the stragglers is attacked by the monster. Believe it or not, Mark is still limping along the beach. He really put on some miles today! He comes upon the monster’s attack and cries out for help, but to no avail. Another beach dude bites the sand.

The sheriff arrives, and Mark tries to explain his monster sighting, but one of the girls accuses him of the murder. Mark finds a piece of rubber (like from a suit?) and while the police interrogate the other party goers, he drives off in the police car, further implicating himself.

Vickie returns from her hot date, adequately intoxicated, and finds a note from Mark, inviting her to his room.

But Mark is not there, it’s the monster that sneaks up on her in the dark, and this time he does her in. Richard and Janey are returning home after being questioned at the police station. They’re riding in a convertible, and not one single strand of hair is blowing in the wind! I notice things like that. They discuss their theories of who the murderer might be and decide to return to the beach.

Mark returns home, wondering about this piece of rubber he has found. He’s curious as to why one of the closet doors is locked, and after he manages to jimmy it open, he discovers the monster’s head. It’s a full mask! The monster then attacks him, and in the ensuing fight Mark grabs a kitchen knife, stabs the monster, and pulls off its head (mask) to reveal that our monster is none other than Dr. Lindsay dressed up in a rubber monster suit.

Richard and Janey arrive too late (I thought they were going back to the beach) as Mark dies and the monster walks off. He gets into a white MG and heads down the road as the sheriff calls in an APB. A patrol car gives chase and as Dr. Lindsay begins to suffer from his stab wound, he looses control of the car on the winding road and goes over the cliff, crashing to his fiery death. The End. Oh my God, hooray, I can’t believe I made it through this one.

"A guy with a puppet of a lion starts doing a song called "There’s A Monster In The Surf". It’s just plain bad, yeah, yeah, yeah! "

It’s now 4:30 AM. Looks like the sun might be about to come up. My band mates and I pack up the guitars, amps, and drums, and a few of those patrons remaining stop on their way out to compliment us on our performance. I wake up Bambi, and I’m glad to report that once again, I remember to remove the car speaker from the window before pulling out of my drive-in space.

All in all it was a fun evening. I know I came down kinda hard on a couple of these flicks, but they were pretty bad, yet bad in a good sort of way. It’s probably going to be awhile before I decide to do another one of these all night marathons.

Thanks, John!  Hey, you know, old Renfield actually played in a garage band in his misspent youth.  Yup, actually played in a garage (my Mom and Dad's) and we learned to twang those guitars and beat those drums so well that  all the neighborhood dogs took a vow of silence.   Of course, we never got an invite to play at some old drive-in, but that was okay, because we did play at this Shakey's Pizza Parlor, and...you're not interested?   Okay, okay, be that way.

Article copyright © John Coleman who seems to think that playing at a drive-in is cooler than playing at Shakey's Pizza 

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