Boris Karloff was wont to say of his horror-film rival, "Poor Bela!" And we have to agree. Even before Plan 9, even before Old Mother Riley, there was...
By CRYSTAL GUILLORY It was a rainy afternoon when I went to my mail box one June afternoon and I saw a box. A feeling of curiosity gripped me when I saw the package addressed to me and I wondered what was inside. I checked the box carefully, making sure it was not ticking. Since I did not hear ticking, I opened the package carefully, but to my horror I discovered it was a "bomb" after all! I had received that 1952 epic Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla (also known as The Boys From Brooklyn and The Monster Meets The Gorilla) in the mail. Renfield had already asked me to write this article you are reading (so if you don't like the topic blame him not me!). So I set out to watch this peculiar little flick. I had heard of this movie before and I had probably seen it on a late late show in the glory days before infomercials took over the late night airwaves (ahhh, those were the days). I knew that the movie starred the great Lugosi (yes, the Bela Lugosi) with a rip-off version of Martin and Lewis.
I can sense at this point I may be losing some of our younger readers so I will sidetrack in a history lesson. Back in the Fifties, the comedy team of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis (years before he became the comedic icon of France and the emcee of the Muscular Dystrophy telethon) was the hottest thing in Hollywood. Studio executives were the same as today, copying other ideas than having an original idea, so this knock-off team of Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo was formed. While Duke Mitchell is no Dean Martin, Sammy Petrillo does an annoyingly close copy of Lewis' schtick. This was too close to comfort for Jerry Lewis who sued this knock-off team thus causing the breakup of Mitchell and Petrillo (awwwwwww!). So I popped the video in with some caution...after all I didn't know what I was going to get. I got my answer when I saw a credit for additional dialogue by someone nicknamed "Ukie" ( would that be pronounced "Ooo-key" or "Uck-key"?). I was definitely having an "ukie" feeling about this movie already. What clinched it is the director--William "One-Shot" Beaudine, the wunderkind who brought us such classics as Billy The Kid Vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (okay, he is known for more than that!). I knew I was in for a rough time with this video. The movie opens in a lush tropical soundstage...ah...setting when we are presented with lots of stock footage of animals in the wild. Ah, there's a warning light right there fans, any movie that starts with lots of stock footage usually tends to be a stinker. The narrator is droning on and on about different animals and the law of the jungle when he is as surprised as us to see two examples of the species "Homo (mind outta the gutter, readers) Loserus." The two specimens are, of course, Mitchell and Petrillo. The boys are fast asleep, beating the audience to snoozing off, but probably not by much. Members of a native tribe espy the Martin-Lewis knock-offs and report them to the tribal council--that is, to Chief Rakos and his lovely daughter Nona. Hmmm. I bet Tom Hanks wishes that he was a castaway on this island.
Bongo, the witch doctor, immediately votes the two castaways off of the island, permanently! Talk about the weakest links! But the lovely Nona begs for the life of the two castaways and then orders her servants to change their clothes and to give them makeovers. Nona then looks through their clothes, inexplicably being able to read the English labels (we find out why later). Nona mistakenly thinks that one of them is named Mervyn, and that wakes up our sleeping duo. The two castaways wake up and introduce themselves to their hosts. They are Duke Mitchell and Sammy Petrillo, entertainers with snappy patter who travel with tuxes. Hmmm, isn't that the names of the actors in this movie? Would it have been that hard for the scriptwriters to have created different names for the "leading" characters? Okay, I do digress. Duke explains that they wound up on the island because they fell out of the plane while looking for the "powder room." Two points: What man is going to use the phrase "powder room" and how can we be sure they were not pushed out of the plane after hearing Sammy's annoying braying sounds and "snappy patter"?
The evening comes and there is a wonderful party for Duke and Sammy. Well, these islanders may be simple folks but they sure can dance! The villagers put on a Broadway-style goona number in honor of their visitors. Sammy is not too concerned with the fancy stepping though--he is too busy griping about sitting on the floor and not having a pretty girl to talk to like Duke does. Gee, I wonder why that braying, whining little geek is not a chick magnet. Sammy then breaks into song, making Nona fetch her younger sister to keep Sammy occupied. Sammy waits in delight for Nona's exotic younger sister, then recoils in horror as he sees her. Now readers, you are likely wondering what is wrong with Nona's sister; is she horribly deformed or something? No, Saloma is a lovely lass who is not a size 5 gal. She is what my some of my friends refer to as a goddess or a large and lovely gal. I did not think she was ugly but rather cute, and I do know of some people in my circle who would not mind that tropical goddess. Hell, if I were Saloma (Muriel Landers) I would take one look at that braying little geek and tell my sister "no thanks, Saloma is gonna wait for a real man!". However, these are the Fifties and she is going to go for Sammy like white on rice (no offense).
Mishaps occur and Sammy winds up--ahem--entertaining the tribe. He tells some lame jokes that causes a silence over the tribe for a few minutes. It is not until he tells the old joke about biting a hungry person (oh come now, you have to know that joke) that Nona laughs and translates that to the tribe. The tribe laughs uproariously. Now, wouldn't that put a warning light in your head about any island tribe that laughed at that joke? Alas, this warning light is lost on Sammy. Duke then gets up to entertain the tribe with a song. Amazing how the island drums sound like a full orchestra for his song! The boys are through with the "entertainment" and now it is time for the romancing. Nona and Duke walk through the jungle on this moonlit night, hand-in-hand and talking. Ah, this is the romantic interlude in the movie. Nona explains that she knows of the outside world for she has been to college--the tribe wants an educated queen. As the two talk, she tells Duke of her boss, Dr. Zabor, who is doing experiments with evolution. She later comments that the doctor would be interested in meeting them. Hmmm...shouldn't the idea of a scientist working on evolution and who is interested in meeting him turn on a warning light here for Duke? No chance of that, though, for he is falling hard for this island girl.
Meanwhile, Sammy and Saloma are continuing their bizarre courtship with Sammy running away and Saloma off to catch him. At one point Sammy runs into stock footage of various animals which should not be on that island, telling them all to run away. Then he decides to run away, then he is eventually caught by Saloma who brings him back to his hut. The next day Duke, Nona, and Sammy walk to Dr. Zabor's castle (yes, I said castle) deep in the jungle. Sammy nervously looks for "two-ton Salami" but Nona explains to him that she and the other villagers won't venture out that far. Maybe its just me, but if a guy like Sammy called my sister a name like that...well, let's just say I would give him a nice Hawaiian Punch.
The trio arrive at Dr. Zabor's gothic hangout in the jungle. Upon entering, Nona introduces the doctor (Bela Lugosi) to her two new friends. Duke notices something familiar about Dr. Zabor, but Sammy says he knows who he is. Sammy thinks it is the fellow who bites necks and wears capes, in other words, Bela Lugosi. I wonder why they just couldn't say that in the script? Dr. Zabor decides to overlook this foolishness and offers the two the use of his wardrobe. The good doctor then compliments Sammy on his cranium, which finally sets off a warning light in Sammy's head. The good doctor then makes moves on Nona which could land him a sexual harassment suit in our times. Duke and Sammy change into island duds and meet Dr. Zabor and Nona in the lab. Dr. Zabor then begins to explain his experiments on reversing evolution. Sammy then tries to interpret it with annoying results. Then the island constable, Pepe, arrives at the castle. Pepe agrees to see if a ship is near enough to pick up these two to bring them to Guam for their show. This clearly upsets Nona, who really does not want to see Duke leave. At this point we are introduced to the best actor of the movie, Ramona the chimp. Nona introduces Sammy and Duke to the little creature and Romana immediately takes a shine to Sammy. No accounting for taste. Ramona gets to demonstrate her expertise in monkey shines by locking Sammy in the cage with her.
The days must go by rather quickly on the island of Kola-Kola (yes that is the name) for it is already the evening and Duke is walking Nona back to the village. The two make cute talk as they take a romantic stroll in the jungle. Perhaps they are going to bungle in the jungle? Ah, we will never know that will we? Meanwhile, Sammy is pacing around in his sleep shirt, complaining of being left at the castle by Duke. He eventually drifts to sleep until he is awakened by something furry next to him. Romana the chimp has gotten out of her cage and has crept into Sammy's room. Sammy wakes up to Romana next to him and then goes to bring her back to her cage. Sammy tries to lull Romana into a sleep, but he makes himself go to sleep. Romana then locks them both in the cage for the night with hilarious results. Dr. Zabor is fuming over Duke moving in on Nona and is scheming of a way to get rid of his young Dean Martin wanna-be rival.
Dr. Zabor comes up with a scheme. He decides to turn his rival into a gorilla using the evolution reversal serum he has been working so hard on. After all, one look at a gorilla Duke and Nona should scream "Get your paws off me you damn dirty ape!" (Oops, that's another movie.) Wonder where this mad scientist got the grant for this research? Things are going well for Duke for he and Nona have become engaged (maybe the bungle in the jungle did happen after all). However, Duke is kidnapped on his way to see Pepe about getting a way out of there by Dr. Zabor's henchman, Chula. Duke is then brought to the lab and the Doctor turns him into a gorilla. Dr. Zabor hides Ramona in the closet to make it look like he turned Ramona into the gorilla. Wouldn't a boy gorilla look differently from a girl one? Ah, what do I know?
Nona and Sammy walk back to the village to look for Duke who was heading there in search of a guide. Along the way, they find the necklace Nona gave Duke for a keepsake. At the village, they get a surprise when they find out Duke has not been there at all. Sammy and Nona go on to search for Duke at the castle, but he is not there, or so they think. Dr. Zabor offers to go back to the village with Nona to look for Duke while Sammy stays with "Ramona" (actually, Duke the Brooklyn Gorilla). Sammy is then engaged in a game of charades with "Ramona." Now, shouldn't the fact that the gorilla can play charades be a major clue to Sammy that something is up? I guess not. Sammy is distracted by a banging coming from the closet. He opens the door to find out who it is. To his huge surprise, it is Ramona, who is not a gorilla at all! After a bit, Duke the Brooklyn Gorilla decides to belt into a few bars of "Deed I do" to let Sammy know it was him. Sammy then tries to use his brain to come up with a clever plan--at this point Duke knows that he is screwed.
So the two make plans to go back to the village, along the way meeting up with a very friendly gorilla (not sure if it is male or female ). Evidently the other gorilla is interested in jungle love, but there is not time for that for Duke and Sammy must go back to the village. The villagers are surprised by Sammy walking with a gorilla, but Sammy explains that it is Duke. Duke then convinces Nona that it is him, and Nona embraces him. So much for Dr. Zabor's plan--Nona likes them big and hairy after all! However, this touching scene is interrupted by Dr. Zabor pointing a rifle at Duke. Sammy steps in front of Duke, and is shot! The gorilla Duke is cradling Sammy, trying to wake him up. Of course Sammy does wake up, not on the island of Kola-Kola but in the dressing room of the Jungle Hut night club. Yes fans, repeat after me: It was all a dream! Just like Dorothy of Kansas, Sammy saw everyone he knew in his dream. Even Dr. Zabor, actually his boss, who threatens him with unemployment should he not be funny! Then Sammy encounters Saloma and freaks out. Saloma gets ahold of Sammy, kisses him, and whaddya know. Mikey--um, Sammy--likes it. The duo then do their routine, although judging by the jokes I imagine they will be soon collecting unemployment checks. So there you have it film fans, an offbeat film for the tropical season. So fix up banana daiquiris, have a cookout and make a party out of it. Methinks I will have a banana daiquiri right now. Thanks, Crystal. This is one film any bad-film buff just has to see. That Sammy Petrillo does Jerry Lewis even better than Jerry Lewis himself. No wonder the real one sued! Article copyright © Crystal Guillory |
