By CRYSTAL GULLIORY

Hi, HORROR-WOOD readers!

It was on a Saturday afternoon when I met up with my boyfriend for an afternoon of...watching DVDs. I was off from work that weekend, so I didn't have to put up with school kids and assignments. (Perhaps I should say the parents and assignments since that is whom I deal with mostly some days.)

For a change, the boyfriend didn’t have to assist an insane neighbor with computer problems or type out stuff for his family. The recent project at work was completed so there was virtually no chance of him getting a phone call from work. Well, it helped matters that he turned the cell phone off.

Yep, it was going to be a peaceful afternoon of watching movies and relaxing. Oh, if we only knew!

It is then I remembered a package that was sent to me by an online friend. I was curious about it so I opened it and discovered that it was a DVD from a company called Cinema Oeuf. The title of the flick on the DVD, Invasion Of The Deviled Eggs intrigued me to no end. I have to admit I didn't recognize any of the names of the cast members or crew on it. Although I noticed that the director, producer, scriptwriter and lead actor were named Dennis Ray Stickler. I had to admit, this set off an inner alarm in me for some reason.

I saw the plot synopsis on the back of the DVD box and it said that this flick was produced in 1967 and concerned an alien invasion. Okay, I was interested. It came with a note from my online friend who told me I was among the first to see this once-lost independent feature, which was bound to be a cult classic! Wow, I guess being a writer for HORROR-WOOD has some perks after all. I brought this to my boyfriend's attention and he agreed to watch it with me.

So we put the DVD in the machine and sat back to watch the "cult classic"--having no idea what we were in for.

The movie opens in a forest in Hammond, Louisiana on a summer day. Gee, I should have realized it was Louisiana when I saw all those mountains in the shot! Okay, this had me snickering but I could forgive these filmmakers for their geographical faux pas. We then see a fellow walking through the woods with a rifle, looking to do some possible poaching. Judging by the ominous music I would think fate had other ideas for this fellow.

Just when he's about to go for an animal, he is knocked off of his feet by a huge explosion! (Okay, so he was knocked off of his feet before the sound of the explosion but you get the idea.)

Well, he is scared out of his wits and decides to go investigate but takes a shot of éclat de lune (aka, moonshine) for courage. Ah, it must be a fine vintage judging by the number of X's on the brown jug. I mumble about yet another Southern stereotype while the boyfriend tells me to calm down and watch the rest of the movie.

So our favorite poacher walks over to the sight of the explosion, only to get the shock of his life! There in the clearing just past the boom mike (It is noticeable, folks) is this space ship that's egg shaped. To the poacher's horror he saw something yellow and white oozing out of the "shell" and towards him! This made the poacher run away from the sight and to the sheriff's department.

Meanwhile Sheriff Ignatius (nicknamed "Igs") Benedict is having an awful day dealing with budget cuts and his upcoming divorce. Little did he realize that his day would get even worse once a disheveled poacher comes running to his door reporting an alien invasion.

Well, you can imagine Sheriff Benedict was pretty skeptical of such a crazy notion. After all, the poacher's hobby and his fondness for moonshine in the afternoon didn't exactly make him a credible witness. Benedict threatens to throw him in jail if he didn't get out of there, so the poacher left.

But the poacher leaves, but with plans of going back to the crash site and retrieving evidence. After all, the US government would pay highly for such a prize! Heck, the Weekly World News would probably pay a king's ransom for that story!

So he walks back to the site, armed with his trusty rifle.( At this point I wondered aloud about what good a gun would do against a fluid alien but I was gently reminded not to think while watching a movie.) The poacher creeps around slowly, looking for any creatures. To his happy surprise, it looked like he was alone, so he set upon gathering up a souvenir such as a piece of the ship. To his amazement, it looked like a piece of...eggshell. Alas, he didn't have time to ponder this find for at that moment the yellow and white liquid creature oozed towards him. The poacher barely had time to scream as he was covered head to toe in yellow fluid!

I don't know what was more horrifying, the effect of the ooze devouring this guy or the fellow obviously rubbing this stuff on him. Gotta admit, he did almost make it look like it was attacking him.

Meanwhile Sheriff Benedict gets a visit from the local kook and self-styled "Voodoo high priest" and live bait storeowner, Ova Ezae. The poor fellow was not in the mood to listen to one of his crazy predictions or visions, but he was already in there so he might as well listen. He told him how he has been having some bad dreams about something evil falling from the sky.

The sheriff retorts that he always has that dream after he has a big meal of spicy crawfish. Well, to counteract his disbelief, he told him that his amulet (although he pronounced it as om-u-let) had been glowing and that is a sure sign that something evil is in town. The Sheriff gently escorts him out of his office, thinking that he has surely cracked up!

Hours pass (well it feels like that, anyway) and the Sheriff gets a phone call from the poacher's brother Harold Boyld. (Is it me or does he pronounce it as "hard"?) Boyld was concerned that his brother has not returned from the forest. He was sure that his good-for-nothing brother had gotten something good and did not share it with him!   Benedict breathes a disgusted sigh as he makes his way out to the forest.

Before he does so he calls for his trusty deputy, Sammy "Sunny" Siedup. Just by the first few minutes of looking at this guy I can see he is the "comic relief". After all, look at how this professional officer is tripping all over the place! Well, Sheriff Benedict breathes yet another sigh of disgust and they head out to the forest.

So the two are walking through the forest trying to find clues. Why, isn't it handy that Siedup tripped on Boyld's (the poacher remember?) rifle? Well, Benedict knew that Boyld would never leave his trust rifle behind so the Sheriff knew he was hot on the trail. Little did he realize that he was about to jump from the frying pan and into the fire!

I say this for just then this horrific sight of Boyld the poacher or rather the creature formerly known as Boyld the poacher stood in front of him. Yep, there in all his runny glory he stood oozing with yellow and white slime. Benedict reacted like a true professional of the law--he shot at the gooey creature.

However, as we all know from watching movies like this, the bullets didn't do a lick of good. It was then that this loathsome creature spoke and said that he was using Boyld's body as a vessel to carry out plans for his master, Vitellus.

It is then we discover that this creature is a member of an alien race called the Yollx from the planet Ovoom. The plan was being hatched out for a full-scale invasion of this planet to take place in a matter of days, so the creature advised Sheriff Benedict to surrender. Benedict was defiant and told the creature that they will be the ones to scramble away! Well, the creature didn't like hearing this and was about to attack Benedict when he heard a summons from his leader. Benedict wisely chose this moment to escape and to get some help to stop the invasion.

Fortunately Benedict grabbed something from the site so he could have tangible proof of this story cause he was going to need some help. So, he went to the local eggheads, Professor Bacon and his assistant Mr. Hamm for help with the situation.

At first, the good professor thought that Benedict was fried from all the stress and hallucinated the whole thing. Then again, he did see the piece of the space vessel, which convinced him that Benedict's incredible story was true. That being done, all that was left now was to think of a way to save the world.

The next thing we see is this lengthy montage of scientists working with beakers, test tubes and microscopes as the clock ticks on. Sad to say Bacon and Hamm are no closer to a solution then they were ten minutes ago so things are looking rather bleak indeed.

The scene changes to the local bar and grill where Sheriff Benedict decides to drown his sorrows for a bit. It is then he has a long chat with the lovely Florentine who has had her eye on him for some time. (Okay, not being catty here, but I think this gal was not hired for her acting ability!)

The comely waitress leans over the bar listening to Benedict talk about his troubles, thereby distracting him (as well as the male viewers). It is during this chat that our hero starts staring at two perfectly round…eggs (what did you think I was going to say?) frying on the grill.

It is then that he gets an idea and runs away from Florentine's lusty embrace. Florentine was naturally puzzled about his behavior but then began to flirt with…ah…serve another patron. Sheriff Benedict then runs towards Bacon's lab with his idea on how to deal with the aliens.

The scientist listens with great intensity as the sheriff reveals his idea while an obvious boom mike looms overhead.  Of course such a crazy and simple idea is met with extreme disbelief, but at this point, they have no other options.

Once again, we are treated to a long montage of Benedict, Siedup, Bacon, and Hamm laying down wires on the ground late one night. Unfortunately, during this time we see Sunny trip more then a few times in a typically goofy way. Sheesh, does this guy get paid each time he falls down? Eventually the contraption with wires and such get set up and they sit back, wait and hope.

The Boyld creature reappears and calls out to Sheriff Benedict asking him for his surrender. Benedict agrees but he wants to submit to his boss first. So the creature contacts the alien army and finds out the leader, Vitellus is on his way. Soon the egg ships are flying in, much to the terror of the townspeople.

The ships are landing on the ground, cracking open on the huge field. Vitellus is ready to take over the Sheriff's form and to begin his reign of terror when he hears a crackling noise. To his horror and that of his army, the nuclear heating devices Benedict and company buried into the ground are frying them. (To hell with the environment, aliens must be defeated!)

Then we are treated to horrific images of these creatures slowly burning to a crisp as our heroes watch. Soon the ships are destroyed and the alien invasion is stopped.

Needless to say, there is a huge celebration in town as the town rewards its heroes. Sheriff Benedict watches as Bacon and Hamm receive medals while two grateful lovelies kiss Siedup. Of course, he isn't going to be left out of the fun for he is going to have a private celebration with Miss Florentine that night.

It appears that everything is going well and all is right with the world until we see something streaking across the sky…and we hear something like an egg cracking just as the words "The End?" is written in a yolk like substance.

With an ending like that, I could only say one thing: "What the hell?" Which made my boyfriend playfully quip: "Don't you mean, what the shell?" I ignored that painful pun as I noticed another note on the DVD box mentioning a hidden feature. Oh, I like hunting for Easter eggs!

I followed the directions to press the right button, then the left twice and I hit the enter button. Just then I wished I hadn't bother checking out the hidden feature for it was something I really didn't want see. On the screen plain as day was this egg that cracks open and the yolk leaks out, and the yolk forms the words...

 "April Fool!"

Oh, I let out a blood-curdling scream as I saw that I had been fooled again! My boyfriend was no help as he was chuckling about my "eggs-crutiating" experience that afternoon. I then had to hear about how he was "eggs-tremely" grateful the movie was over. Well, needless to say, dear readers, no Easter baskets were filled that afternoon.