(Bela Lugosi Christmas greeting by Sorko.)

"...it is time yet again for my ghoulish gift guide. Amazingly enough, I have found plenty of weird and ghoulish things to surprise those on your gift list this year..."

For several Yuletide seasons now, our own Crystal Guillory has come to the rescue of all you bewildered gift buyers with her own suggestions for real ghoul gifts.  Well, this holiday season, she's really done it again, as you'll discover as you peruse the gift guide that refuses to die...

By CRYSTAL GUILLORY

Well readers, its that time of year again! 

Yep, the red and green that had been slowly encroaching on the orange and black had overcome it completely. The ghoulish tunes played on the store's muzak is now replaced by the familiar Christmas carols, much to the dismay of the zombies working there. The families who were looking for the perfect pumpkin now have to think about the perfect tree. 

Which means that it is time yet again for my ghoulish gift guide. Amazingly enough, I have found plenty of weird and ghoulish things to surprise those on your gift list this year. So, let's get started shall we? 

In fact, we'll get started on a musical note! Oh, stop looking so freaked out, I'm not going to sing but rather talk about some cool CDs to give as gift this year.

At the top of my list is the "Jeepers Creepers" CD that has been released by Scarlet Street. This is a CD of tunes from horror movies such as The Blob, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane, Mothra, and Jeepers Creepers, sung by various singers from stage and screen. I can tell you that the track "Faithful Heart" which was inexplicably not used in Journey To The Center Of The Earth is one of my favorites!

Another CD of note is bound to bring back memories for some of you. Yes, memories of nights spent on dangerous quests through ancient castles and encountering enchanted creatures with friends. No need to hide it readers, I know some of you have played "Dungeons and Dragons" in your younger years. Well, to bring you back to those carefree times or maybe to supply a soundtrack to a new campaign, I present Midnight Syndicate's new work "Dungeons and Dragons." Sorry, eight sided dice and extra hit points are not included.

If, however, someone on your list isn't interested in music, there is an interesting alternative. The ghostly storyteller Carpathian has finally released his favorite ghost stories on CD. As someone who has enjoyed the specter's tales, I have to tell you its a great work. There is also talk about another CD of new stories released this December, so please check this site for that update as well.

If your tastes do range toward music though, I have to send you to the mad scientists of rock and roll--The Consortium of Genius. Dr Pinkerton, the head of the Consortium, has released this entertaining DVD. This DVD is full of their music videos, concert footage, and has a secret message. I have acquired my own copy and I have to testify that it can delightfully warp any brain!

While we are talking about DVDs, there are a few others I have to talk about here.

First off, one of the best places to get DVDs for your favorite monster fan is the good folks of Creepy Classics. Rondo and his staff do their best to supply the Monster Boomers with classic (and not so classic) titles. However, if one's tastes run a little...ah...extreme, check out Cinema Wasteland's collection. Ken Kish has one of the best collections of "B" movies and Eurotrash DVDs to sell! A newcomer to the world of DVDs is the horror host of the Internet, Count Gore DeVol. All three volumes of the horror hosts work has been transferred to DVD, much to the delight of his fans.

Another legendary horror host with a dvd of his past work is Dr. Creep of Ohio (the Mecca of horror hosts). I have purchased a copy of this and I have to tell you it is a lot of fun! If you want to see an overview of the current crop of horror hosts out there, do check out the Horror Host Underground DVD (volumes both 1 and 2). It is on these DVDs that you see current hosts such as Baron Mondo Von Doren (check out his DVD, another great gift), The Bone Jangler, Halloween Jack, A Ghastlee Ghoul, and Remo D., to name a few.

A huge influence on horror hosts and fans is the beloved Forrest J Ackerman aka "Uncle Forry," who had a huge collection of horror and fantastic movie memorabilia in his home for years. Sadly, he had to part with much of the collection but there is a DVD that presents it. This DVD is made by Bill "Drac" Edwards, the creator of the infamous "Eyegore" mask which was featured on a recent cover of Scary Monsters magazine. The DVD, is a loving tribute to our beloved Uncle Forry and includes a tour of the former "Ackermansion," shots of his 86th birthday party, an interview with Forry, and a tour of the new "Ackermansion". To acquire your own copy, email Bill.

While we are on the subject of Uncle Forry, I would be remiss if I neglected to mention some of his "fearsome Forry gifts" available for sale. What fan wouldn't thrill seeing a copy of "Ackermanthology" or perhaps even "Ackerwomanthology" under the tree this year?

Another great gift idea for the fan in your life is to buy weekend passes for their favorite conventions. Why, you can buy a weekend pass to Monster Bash 2004 and slip it in one of Forry's books since he will be one of the guests there. Or you could purchase a weekend pass to the Monster Mania Convention and slip it inside of a Hammer horror DVD or on one of these festive water globes. Then again, one could always buy a weekend pass to one of the best reasons to visit Cleveland, Ohio--Cinema Wasteland, which has its April show next year.

Now what would the holidays be without toys? Yes, it would be less stressful in some ways but it would still lack something. Well, the world of the monster fan has cool toys too. Yes, we all know about the fantastic creations of Sideshow toys, but there are other toy makers to talk about. For starters, I want to talk about the unique creations of the Hauntkraft company, which has very cool recreations of some classic monsters and horror hosts.  What monster fan wouldn't thrill to own one of these handcrafted creations this season? Considering these figures are two feet tall, you may not want to place them under the tree, though.

Another wonderful toy that could thrill any fan could best be described as "A-Tor-Able"; in fact it is the "A-Tor-able" the Tor Johnson doll. Oh, and what little girl wouldn't scream with delight at discovering that Santa left her a "Stretcher Case Baby"? There are also excellent model kits here that would make any collector happy, especially the Bela Lugosi fans.

Artwork is also a popular choice of gift during the holiday season. Imagine the surprised look on the face of your favorite Monster Boomer when you give them a print from the artist Basil Gogos. Basil Gogos is a renowned artist who has creepily captured the spirit of each monster in his artwork. His artwork has graced many a cover of different genre magazines over the years.

If you know someone who wants to celebrate Halloween year 'round, a gift from Cobb Web or Acorn cottage collectibles would be a great choice. The recreations of retro decorations are lovely indeed. Another gift idea for the Halloween-o-phile in your life is the creations from Shiverbones, which has festive sculptures and postcards to sell. Or perhaps a work of surreal art from Deborah McMillion Nering would be just the thing for someone on your list this holiday.

Food gifts are also a welcome sight during the holidays, and there are some ideas for the horror fan in mind. Our good fiends at Coffee Shop of Horrors have many great coffees and teas for the ghoulish gourmand you know. In fact this year they have added new flavors such as "Sundown Blend," "Papua New Guinea," and "La Llorona" to the delight of their fans. If your tastes run more towards tea, there is a great selection there as well. With flavors such as "Black Voodoo" and "Spring Heeled Jack" to delight the taste buds one can't go wrong giving this as a gift.

However if the one on your list has a thing for chocolate, do check out this nummy piece of art. Can't you imagine the look on your favorite chocoholic's face when that get that Christmas morning? This company also has other delicious products, as well as unusual products that is bound to produce surprised looks on Christmas morning.

Now, guys are usually stumped on what to get their ghouls during the holidays. This year, I found something that will make her scream with delight. Give her the gift of "Poe-Pouri," something to appeal to her literary and feminine side. Another great idea for a gift is a subscription to their favorite monster 'zine. Why for a decent price you can give your fiend a year's subscription to Scarlet Street, the eclectic genre zine. Another idea is to give a subscription to the popular Monster Boomer's magazine, Scary Monsters. I'm sure Rue Morgue would make a great gift for the contemporary and classic monster fan. Monsters From The Vault issues year round would definitely make your favorite Monster Boomer happy!

If, after all this, you are still stumped for an idea for a gift, take the easy way out and get a gift certificate from one of the many venues on the Web. Why, you could get a gift certificate from Creepy Classics, Monster Mania, Cinema Wasteland, and other vendors on the net. That way there isn't a chance of you giving them yet another copy of Plan 9 From Outer Space.

So, there you have it, my ghoulish gift guide for 2003. Now, if there is someone in your life who is stumped on what to get you, feel free to print this out and leave it where they can find it. Also, you may want to underline or circle in red ink the things you want for this holiday.

Before I sign off, I want to wish you all a happy holiday and wonderful 2004! If you excuse me, I have to retrieve something from the printer before my boyfriend arrives. Hmmm, now where is my red pen?

Thanks, Crystal, for those helpful, if kind of horrible, holiday gift buying hints.  Seems your boyfriend is going to get immersed in "red ink" this holiday season.  Well, that's all right.  He won't be the only one.

Article copyright © Crystal Guillory

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