Land Of "The Wicker man"

Lots of folks like the pagan horror flick The Wicker Man, and some of them have even ventured into the area where it was filmed. Three hearty fans did recently and herein is what they discovered in the...

LAND OF THE WICKER MAN

By JOHN MCCANN and TONY MARDON

Tony introduced John and Andy to the film The Wicker Man about three years ago. At first it seemed to be the funniest thing we had seen with its quirky sound track, and it’s dated look. But as the film progressed the giggling changed gradually to awed silence as Howie was drawn closer and closer to his ultimate fate. “The little beetle goes round and round, till it’s tight up to the nail. Always the same way, Poor old thing.”

Later, during one of our many lengthy discussions of the film in the local pub, we looked through Allan Brown’s excellent Inside The Wicker Man, and to fulfil our search for an excuse to get away from Canterbury, England, for a break we decided to make our tour of the Wicker Man sites.

A look at the map of Dumfries and Gallowayin, Scotland, showed us that Newton Stewart was centrally placed for most of the sights, and reading that the crew were based there during the filming, decided to book a hotel in the town. Our transport was a hired car, which had a good CD player and satellite navigation. Once John had typed in our destination, a sexy woman’s voice began to give us corrections. Needless to say we christened her “Val.” (Work it out!)

The entrance to the Green Man bar.

Day 1. Into the land of the Wicker Man.

We decided to make an early start, (4.00 a.m.!) so John (the driver) got an early night. When he drove round to pick Andy and Tony up it became apparent that they had stayed up drinking all night! So much for pleasant conversation in the car on the way up! The sounds of David Gray on the CD player had to fight the noise of snoring! But John managed to get his own back later in the week.

Val directed us without fault, or the need to look at maps, and we arrived at Newton Stuart just after 12.00 noon. Wicker Man actress Britt Ekland had very little good to say for the town and it became immediately apparent that we would not find much to make us disagree with her! The hotel was in a poor state of repair and the bar was, “As doubtless Miss Rose would say in her assiduous way”, Shite!

Worse was to come. We ventured out to a bar in the centre of town, and as luck would have it England were playing France at Rugby on Sky. Three blokes, from as south in England as you could get, in the middle of 40-plus Scots, all screaming for France to beat the English bastards. A sphincter tightening moment to say the least! We got the fuck out of there, sharpish, dear reader.

May Morrison's sweet shop.

Day 2. In the woods there grew a tree.

First on the trail was Anwoth, where the scenes in the schoolhouse, the ruined churchyard, and around the maypole were filmed. Remarkably everything was almost untouched and instantly recognisable. It is possible to rent the schoolhouse as a holiday let, although we forgot to get the details.

An eerie feeling still existed and strange things happened. As we drove along the lane a tiny white rabbit appeared in the undergrowth. (Okay, so it wasn’t a March Hare, but who was quibbling?) A dog appeared with one of it’s legs tied up in a blue plastic bag, and was that old man with a white beard who kept coming and going behind the schoolhouse cackling “Meenister? Meenister?” really there?

The churchyard is pretty much as it is in the film, and was clearly used as the background for the harvest festival photos in the Green Mann Inn. Unfortunately, someone has seen fit to smarten it all up, so although it was still very evocative, it was not as wonderfully neglected as in the film. What struck us was the small size of the green on which the maypole stood. It looks much larger on the screen.

A ruined churchyard.

We did a lot of re-enacting of various scenes, but failed to find the Salmon of Knowledge in a nearby stream! It’s tempting to put accurate directions to each of the places we visited but we found that the searching was as important as the finding, as you will probably realise if you decide to make the trip.

Next we went to Gatehouse of Fleet where the interior of the chemists shop and the exterior of the Green Man pub were filmed. Starks chemist (still) had been altered inside but several old jars were on display over the door, possibly used in the filming? Sadly we were unable to purchase a quarter pound of foreskins! I wonder what they were used for?

The exterior of the Green Man is instantly recognisable at the top of the town, but the many cars parked outside made it difficult to get a good shot. We filmed ourselves walking up to the door, for inclusion into a film we are making of the trip. There is a good lunch to be had in the Masonic Arms opposite, but some dodgy symbols on the walls. A good pool table and a golf machine rounded Gatehouse off a treat.

Stone steps...

The thing that each of us has wanted to do since first seeing the film is to have a pint in the Green Man Inn, and that is what we did next. The entrance to the bar is on the side of the Ellangowan hotel in Creetown, and the inside is virtually untouched. Unlike other pubs we visited there was a warm welcome and we felt instantly at home. There are several stills from the film on the walls as well as some photos of Edward Woodward’s recent visit to the pub. Add to this a good jukebox and a free pool table, and it was obvious that this would be a much better place to stay.

Drinking till closing time in the Green Man pub? What could be better? Andy, who hates a fuss, wanted us to stay in our first hotel. But once he found out that we could stay here for half the cost of staying where we were, he was won over. As it turned out the breakfasts were better as well! Ponder Bill (the landlord) was very friendly and loaned us a video player to watch the film in our room. Watching The Wicker Man in the Green Man pub! Very post-modern!

Day 3.

We had to stay an extra night in our first hotel and Andy and Tony took their lives into their hands in the bar, while John (still doing all the bloody driving!) got an early night. In the morning, to spare Andy’s blushes we crept out the back way and drove straight to the Ellangowan Hotel to drop our bags off. To our delight we learned that Ponder Bill had arranged for us to see the bakery from the “Life of the fields” scene. It turned out to be directly opposite the hotel. What was even more bizarre was that the owner of bakery, now a rentable cottage, was one Mrs Howie! Scary or what?

Meeting the landlord of the Green Man.

We went today to Kirkcudbright. (To avoid a local beating, pronounce it Ker-coo-bree.) We very easily found the white houses which Howie searches for Rowan. Walked right from the Harbour and made idiots of ourselves walking backwards and forwards in front of them. I suppose they must get used to people like us! Immediately opposite is the church where Howie reads the lesson before he leaves for Summerisle. It was locked but it is possible to get the key. (Details in the entrance).

May Morrison’s sweetshop was harder to find, and is now an art gallery. For some strange reason we did not actually go inside, but just as the film bears repeated viewing, so this trip needs already to be done again. Close by are the lanes through which Howie chases the Hobby Horse, the steps where the image of Nuada was hung, and the large entrance which marks the end of the chase is now a gallery as well. Look out for the sun-shaped waterspouts on the side of the steps, seen in the film.

John at the Green man.

Opposite here is the police station, the interior of which is seen in the start of the extended version of the film. We re-enacted the chase through the lane with Tony (slim, athletic) chasing John (fat, bearded). Andy declined to appear in the scene for fear that he would lose his “Street cred.” What a wuss! Another couple of strange pubs, and we returned for a night’s drinking in the Green Man bar.

Day 4. Time to keep our appointment with the Wicker Man.

The schoolhouse at Anwoth

Andy had brought a wig along to represent Lord Summerisle in our epic film, so driving up to Wigtown on the way was the perfect excuse for us all to make fools of ourselves in front of the town sign wearing the wig. (By now you will have decided what sort of people we are!) Burrow head is covered with a caravan park that, thanks to foot and mouth, was completely deserted. The path to the cliff top ends almost exactly at the site of the Wicker Man, and we thought that we could see the remains in the grass of one of his legs.

Nearby is the hole from which Howie and Rowan emerge, and Howie realises the he is done for. It was pissing with rain but John managed to film himself jumping in and out of the hole, which is in reality only a few feet deep!

But there were two Wicker Men, and the second lower down the cliff was considerably further off than the 100 yards that we had read about! This has two four foot stumps set in concrete, all that remains of his legs. Along with the bar at the Ellangowan Hotel, these stumps are the only real testimony to the filming. Reading “1972” imprinted on the concrete base, it was easy to imagine being back there with the cast and crew some thirty years ago. Some light graffiti on one of the “legs” marred an otherwise perfect sight.

Wicker Man stumps...

By now we were soaked through and stopped for a pint in the Isle of Whithorn. In a nice pub with a stove, we dried ourselves and Andy was able to change into some dry “Snugglies”. On our way back to Creetown we passed the library in Whithorn where the children “carry death out of the village”, and were enchanted by double rainbow over the gorgeous countryside of Dumfries and Galloway.

Day 5. The search for St Ninian’s Cave.

The foot and mouth epidemic prevented us from getting to many of the places we would have liked. Plockton, Lochinch Castle and other places will be waiting for us next time. We felt sure that a walk along the coast from Burrow Head to St Ninian’s cave would be fine. I mean, cows don’t usually graze on the beach do they? Well maybe they do, because our way was barred.

All was not lost, however. We contented ourselves with a small meal on the site of the Wicker Man, and a game of pitch and putt at the caravan site. Andy proved to be the champ, but points were given to John for managing to hit the window of the only house for miles around! We followed this with a long drive (Don’t worry lads, I’ll drive you. I’ve only got to drive all the way back to Canterbury tomorrow!) to Culzean Castle, only to find foot and mouth had closed this as well. Back to the “Green Man “ bar for the final time.

Tony and Andy...or is it Chris Lee...?

A mobile chip van, a few pints in the bar, and games of pool, (Andy finally managed to win a game) kept us going until dinner and celebratory cigars for Andy and Tony. (Yeah, thanks guys! – John had had to get another early night to prepare for the long drive home.)

The drive home was extremely uneventful and we were all quietly remembering the places we had been able to see and the people we met on the way. David Gray and The Divine Comedy proved to be our favourite CDs of the trip. The discovery of the Wicker Man’s legs the high point. One morning we had been introduced to a member of Ponder Bill’s family, the landlord’s daughter! But sadly repeated singing of “How Do” seemed to have very little effect on her!

The Wicker Man is, for most people who have seen it, a film which you want to see again and again, and with each viewing it reveals a little more of its mystery. In the same way, our visit to “Summerisle” is one that we are already planning to repeat. Maybe we will see you for the thirtieth anniversary next year. Until then, keep reverencing the sacrifice!

Cheers! Tony, John and Andy (and Val).

Thanks, guys! Despite the dreariness and disease, it sounds like an extraordinary outing. If you ever return, hoist a pint at the Green Man pub for old Renfield.

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