By CRYSTAL GUILLORY

Before I begin my witty (well, I like to think so) examination of this month's movie (Nightmare In Wax) I want ask a question.

What is it about wax museums that creeps us out?

Is it the lifelike statues with the eyes that seem to follow you around the room? Could it be the statue that it appears to be breathing? Did your eyes deceive you or did that statue move? Gee, already creeped out and you haven't been to the "Chamber of Horrors" yet.

The concept of the wax museum may have started with the great Madame Tussaud in 1835, but there was a predecessor to her. Back when she was plain ol' Marie Grosholtz, she was a housekeeper for Dr. Philippe Curtius, who was a master at creating wax statues. He had an exhibition of his waxworks in 1770 which proved to be highly popular.

Years later, he established the forerunner of "Chambers of Horrors" with his "Caverne des Grands Voleurs" in 1782. During this time Miss Grosholtz became a student of the doctor and learned the art of wax modeling from him.

Her first work was of the philosopher, Voltaire, and she became an art teacher at Versailles. Unfortunately, the French Revolution arose so her new found skills were put to use making wax heads of the victims of Madame Guillotine.

Maybe its the ghoulish origin of the wax museum that makes it creepy but lovely work of art.  After that horrific time, she inherited the works of Dr. Curtius and married a Monsieur Tussaud, thus gaining that name. Alas the marriage didn't work out, and she set off for
the British Isles, touring the place with her statues.

Eventually, she found a place for her works in London in 1835. Following the example of her teacher, she included a chamber of horrors, where she displayed her ghoulish artifacts from the French Revolution as well as some current horrors. The site in London has been such a success that there are now branches in places such as New York, Amsterdam and Las Vegas.

As time goes on many other cities and regions establish wax museums with very creepy chamber of horrors. While they may not be as artistic as Tussaud's, they are part of the local community. In my own city we have the "Musee' Conti" established in 1963 and has various wax statues depicting events in the city's history.

I can personally remember being terrified by the commercials (hey I was a kid) advertising the museum and its chamber of horrors years ago. While it isn't as scary as it used to be, it can be a fun place to visit while visiting my city. I do have to say their "Creature" wax statue is worth the price of admission.

Another notable wax museum is the "Witch's Dungeon House of Wax" which is located in the "Silver Screen Museum and Archive" which is run by Cortlandt Hull (who is the great nephew of Henry Hull, "the Werewolf of London" himself). This museum has fantastic figures of Vincent Price, Lon Chaney, Henry Hull (why of course) and many other notable actors.

The museum I want to center on right now is the Movieland Wax museum, which is a landmark in its own right. Since 1962, this place has entertained the public with the wax statues of the stars and became a Hollywood landmark over the years. There are over 300 wax replicas and many of them are wearing costumes donated by the stars or their studios.  The reason why this particular museum is so important is because it is the setting for most of the action that happens in the film Nightmare In Wax.

I bet you were wondering when I was going to get to that, didn't you?

Our movie starts with us centering on a bloodshot eyeball which made me sympathetically yearn for Visene. From that sordid beginning, our attention is brought to a swank Hollywood party where the guests are sipping Andre's Champagne as they eagerly await
the big news from the host, Paragon Studios owner Max Black. It appears that his lovely young ingénue, Marie Morgan, is going to marry his leading star, Tony Deane, sometime in the new year.

After the party, the two enjoy a quiet moment avoiding paparazzi. They say goodbye for the evening. Tony goes on to his lovely apartment when he is rudely interrupted by someone with a syringe. He turns around, probably somewhat relieved it wasn't an annoying autograph hound, as his consciousness fades.

Sometime later we are following a group being led through a wax museum by a very annoying guide. Oh, where is the paddle-ball fellow from House Of Wax when we need him? Well, eventually they come to the spot in the museum that is full of statues of the
missing actors from Paragon studios, which seem a little too lifelike. The guide then explains that there will soon be a figure of the newest disappearance victim,  Tony Deane.

As we begin to wonder who is the artist behind we are taken to the secret lair of this mysterious fellow. We begin to see he is hard at work on his new creation, that of a young woman. Yep, this is the artist and scarred recluse, Vincent Renard, who created these
works. As he is working on this head he begins to have a conversation with her while smoking a cigarette.

Well she is fairly pretty but she is no Marie Antoinette (watch your copy of House Of Wax to get that).

Well, the cozy chat is interrupted by a visit from our friendly neighborhood detective Haskell who is investigating the disappearance of Deane. Vincent chats with the detective and mentions that Max had Deane insured, so Vincent openly speculates that Max is behind it. The idea seems preposterous to the detective, a "corpus delecti" (doesn't that sound like something Hannibal Lector would say?) would be have to be provided in order for insurance to be collected.

Another odd thing about this case is that Marie's former fiancée is among the missing, while her first fiancée' Renard is relatively unscathed. Yes, before he became the caped eye patch-wearing scarred recluse of the wax museum, he was the best makeup artist in the business. He was also the first love of starlet Marie Morgan. Alas, Vinnie is upset that Marie hasn't come out and told her boss Max about her engagement to him yet. She assures him that he will break it to her boss over dinner tonight and the two share a long kiss, after he smokes a cigarette, of course.

Later on that night Marie breaks the news to Max who doesn't take the news too well. Renard tries to calm him down and offers to drive him home but the drunken Max begins to threaten to sack him. Renard then smokes a cigarette in order to relax, but that proves to be his undoing. You see, at that moment Max throws his drink in Renard's face which immediately burns. Yikes! Renard takes a cooling dip in the pool and must have been feeling better for he did his impersonation of the famous painting "The Scream."

After the flashback, the detective notices that Renard creates wax statues of each missing Paragon actor, so he wonders if one has been made of Deane. Renard shows him the all-too-realistic head of Deane before the detective runs off to the donut shop.  After his donut break the detective goes to visit the famous Paragon studio actress Marie Morgan.

The detective begins to grill Marie about the disappearance but she decides to have a flashback of her own that moment. She goes back to that time in the hospital where Renard was recovering from his horrible injury while having a refreshing cigarette break. (Is it possible to suffer from second hand smoke while watching a movie?)

Well, Marie valiantly proclaims her love to Renard and is willing to stay by him through his recovery. She even claims that plastic surgery can help him as well, maybe he could even get a spot on Total Makeover or The Swan. He won't hear any of it, so she leaves him to find a new fiancée. After the flashback was over, the detective mentions that Renard is making a wax head of Deane. This gets Marie's attention so she decides to give Renard a call and talk about her plans to get "a head."

Hours later, she is eagerly awaiting Renard when Max appears at her doorstep. It appears that Max wants her to get out of her self-imposed mourning period and get back to work. He tries to lure her with the promise of a great script but that doesn't work. So he threatens to sue her, but Marie won't hear any of it for her contract has an act of God clause. The cozy meeting is interrupted when Renard appears for his dinner date with Marie, making an awkward moment, indeed.

After Max left, the former lovers have a rather odd heart to heart talk about things. Marie then asks Renard to bring her the head of Tony Deane. Renard is a little surprised at this morbid request but Marie asks if he ever really truly loved someone. (That is not a good thing to ask a former fiancée Marie!) Well, Renard has a request of his own for he wants Marie to pose for him and that this arrangement is to be kept a secret.

Meanwhile, back at the museum, it is closing time and the annoying guard is telling the visitors all goodnight. As he is walking around and checking out the place, he can't resist interacting with the works. (Oh I so wish this was the paddle-fellow from House Of Wax now.) Well, the irritating fellow walks over to the Paragon exhibit and he sees a surprising sight--one of them is blinking! The guide runs over to Renard who successfully convinces him that it was the booze playing tricks on him.

Sometime later, Renard decides to visit his dancer friend at her workplace. While a sucky band plays in the background his friend Theresa (who I dub "LeBimbo")and her group of go-go dancers shake their money makers. Anyway Renard plies her with the finest Champale, he discovers that she has a date with Max that night, so he requests she bring him there. Oh, and it has to be a surprise.

Well, being the bubble-headed darling she is, she giggles and agrees to Vinnie's request. As we look at this girl we realize that she is the model of the aforementioned wax head. The more this gal talks we realize that the wax head has more brain cells.

Meanwhile, Max is in a general conundrum for the director of his latest picture is upset Marie won't be part of it. Max then gets the idea to have an homage to Tony in the movie by featuring his wax head in the movie, so the director goes to have a talk with Renard. While at the museum Renard and the director have a serious discussion full of   psycho-babble concerning hypnosis.

Renard lights yet another cigarette and explains the theory that a person injected with truth serum and other things could live for years under a hypnotic state, but the director begs to differ. It would appear that electrical storms could awaken such individuals, and that makes a nifty plot point to remember for later.

Sometime later Max and LeBimbo are out on their date when she tells him to drive to a certain spot for a surprise. Max is getting very excited as his sordid mind tries to imagine what she has in mind. The excitement fades as he drives into the wax museum's drive, this isn't the head he wanted  that night.

Of course, he realized who he had in his car so they drove on to the back entrance and walked on in, where they were greeted by Renard. Renard shows them the wax head made of LeBimbo, then lights up another cigarette and shows them Tony's head. (Should a man smoke so much around flammable things?)

Renard then makes the shocking announcement that Tony is alive and proceeds to threaten Max. Max can't really react that well since his gracious host Renard gave him drugged Champale when he arrived. Unfortunately, for LeBimbo didn't finish her glass of Champale, so she is quite awake, so to the delight of the viewers. Renard decides to kill her. He goads her to scream as he chases her through the museum in one of the slowest chases ever in cinematic history. She eventually winds up in the lair and is backing up against a huge vat of wax.

Okay, she may want her legs waxed but not all of her! Renard finally corners her and gives her a long kiss causing her much relief. The relief is short-lived for he slides s knife into her that moment.

With that little distraction out of the way, Renard can fully concentrate on torturing Max. Max has news for him, he has been followed by the detective since Tony's disappearance and will know something's up if he doesn't leave that place.

No matter, Renard decides to drive Max's car with LeBimbo's corpse riding alongside him. As they are driving along he chats with the corpse and even gives her a kiss. The detective takes the bait and follows the car through town until they get to wharf. Renard then escapes through a junkyard with the detectives on his trail, but he manages to get away. Renard began to suffer from a huge nicotine fit since he hadn't had a cigarette in 10 whole minutes, so he had one on the beach that morning.

Sometime later, our friendly neighborhood detective pays another call to Renard about LeBimbo's murder. Renard comments that the head was commissioned by a committee and how Max commented that he felt compromised by her. The detective finally notices that whenever something happens to an actor, a wax figure is made! Wow, this guy is a regular Sherlock Holmes, eh?

Renard shows the detective his latest work, which is a wax head that looks suspiciously like Max but with a funny disguise. The detective decides that there is nothing more to see so he decides to have another donut break. However he and his partner will come by later to have a stake out and to see if anything odd is going on.

Hours later, Marie comes by to see Tony's head and is amazed at the remarkable likeness. Renard then tells her that he wants to make a mold of her face so he has her step in to this box, when he locks it on her. The detective returns from his donut break and decides to sneak into the museum and stay after closing to see if anything happens. (Isn't that illegal?) A storm is starting and the guide is noticing the Paragon statues are blinking at him once again, which makes him want to go back to drinking!

Back in the Phantom's...ah…Renard's lair, he tells Marie that Tony and the others are very much alive but in his control thanks to an injection of truth serum and vitamins. Marie begins to freak out, after all of her fiancées are in one place and that is so awkward. Renard gets Max and preps him for his hot wax treatment as the electrical storm grows closer. Of course, all this electrical action is causing the would-be waxworks to come alive, so Renard orders them to come to his lair.

The detective sees this odd sight and begins to follow them to the lair so he can investigate it. Just as the detective gets there he is threatened by the actress with the knife and he gets captured by the former figures.

Meanwhile, Max is on a hook and he is beginning to go through the stages of death, so he begins to bargain heavily with Renard. Renard won't hear any of it, which causes Max to get to the last stage…acceptance, which he accepts with a laugh. Oh, not just any laugh, but gut-busting hysterical laughing which drive Renard even crazier.

Renard gets so upset he decides to lunge at Max, but winds up in his wax vat. The last thing he sees are his "pets" laughing at him as he drowns in the wax and then he hears a telephone ring.

What could it be? Could it be a phone call from the annoying guide? Could it be a telemarketer? Could it be Bobby Ewing stepping out of the shower to give him a phone call?

I have no idea, readers, since the VHS player broke just then. Why do I have a feeling it involves the word "nightmare," though?

Since watching this movie, I have developed another problem, a smoker's cough. I think I better end this article now so I can go to the store for a pack of Nicorette gum.