Movies about "strong" women were few on the ground in the late Fifties and early Sixties, so a flick about a woman corporate head who gets what she wants no matter who she has to kill should be a feminist icon today. Alas, it was made by Roger "Never Lost A Dime" Corman and was so ineptly put together that the ladies can only lament...
By CRYSTAL GUILLORY Hi all, Crystal here with another b-horror flick entitled The Wasp Woman. This is a Roger Corman-directed cheapie…ah…classic made in 1960. It shares the same soundtrack as Little Shop Of Horrors, which he made the same year. As usual, I will provide my usual amount of "stinging" comments. It is tough being a woman some days, for in order to look presentable you have to pluck eyebrows, style hair and put on makeup and that is just to get ready for work! The quest for physical beauty motivates otherwise rational women to do strange things. Why else would a grown woman jump into an overgrown mud puddle called a mud bath? Why else would a woman rub sand against her skin in order to exfoliate? (What the heck is exfoliating, anyway?)
Why else would a woman put items meant for lunch on her skin during a bath? Then there are those that willingly pay a doctor to inject their face with a poison so that they would have a smooth, expressionless face (botox anyone?). So, is the idea of queen wasp jelly injections such a far-fetched thing? It is not to Janice Starlin of Janice Starlin Enterprises, a beauty company that is fading along with the beauty of its owner. It is sinking so badly because people do not buy beauty products from one who is not beautiful anymore, i.e., getting old. (Following that logic, shouldn't people be avoiding Betty Crocker--after all, she never baked a thing.)
Janice is at the end of her rope, bankruptcy is breathing down her neck, and all looks bad. That is until she gets a letter from a Dr. Zinthrop who claims to do miraculous things with enzymes from a queen wasp's royal jelly. I guess Dr. Zinthrop had to go job-hunting because his former employer sacked him for doing those waspy experiments on the job instead of doing what he was paid to do. Sheesh, some managers are such nimrods! Starlin agrees to meet him, and she demands proof. Well, he has enough proof there to tick off PETA big time! Using guinea pigs, he demonstrates the miracle effects of this jelly—the "old" critters become young again--and Starlin is sold. She immediately hires him on the spot and she offers to draw up a contract but he declines for her word alone is good enough for him. My God, he is a mad scientist after all! She has only one request, that she be his first human guinea pig. (Janice, Janice, haven’t you seen any old horror movies?)
No matter, the research goes on full steam ahead (a montage that repeats the same scenes endlessly, accompanied by a xylophone soundtrack no less) for weeks. Meanwhile, members of her board have certain misgivings about this professor, wondering if he is a quack or a con artist. To show their concern for their boss, they persuade her personal assistant, Mary, to snoop in her office and listen in on conversations. (Ah, with friends like these...) Eventually, the big moment arrives for Janice to start receiving injections of the queen wasp potion. Some people are hard to please, as Janice is about the slow rate of progress. She wants to increase the dosage, but the doc will hear none of it for he does not know how that much will affect her system. He then goes on to tell her about the concentrated enzyme he has developed as a cream and that it is in the fridge. Hmm, is this wise to show Janice where this is? That is like pointing out the location of the safe to a thief, or giving Michael Jackson directions to a Boy Scout camp.
That night, Janet walks into his lab, and finds the enzyme. Apparently, she must have had some medical training in the past for she knew how to inject herself with that needle. The next morning, she walks in the door, surprising the receptionist with her sudden youthful appearance. It appears that the receptionist was more surprised that she was caught filing her nails. Starlin then has a meeting to do the executive thing, use the meeting to show off the results of the treatments. The group is then excused from the rest of the meeting while Starlin badgers Mary into telling her how young she looks. Later on, Mary and Bill are hanging with Mr. Cooper at the local bar discussing Starlin's change. They are happy but they don't think it will last that long, so they need to find out more about it. It is decided that Cooper and his ever-present pipe will investigate the lab.
So, Cooper and his pipe snoop around Zinthrop's lab, but they are interrupted by Starlin. Starlin was looking for Zinthrop, who at that moment was taking a stroll after his nasty encounter with an experimented-on cat that turned suddenly vicious. (If it had become a Wasp Cat, wouldn’t it go buzz-meow?) Zinthrop is walking along, minding his own business, when a car rudely gets into his way. (Roger Corman made this film for peanuts, as usual, and we don’t "see" the accident, just the actor stepping off a curb and then the sound of squealing brakes.) Needless to say, this accident made him tardy for work, and Starlin is concerned. After all, he did not get permission to take a day off! I mean, what a slacker! So, she hires a private investigator to find the mad doctor in the city. Immediately the P.I. sends his assistant to look through old laboratories and deserted castles (okay, okay, it was through the city but Zinthrop is a mad scientist and mad scientists are supposed to hang out in places like that, right? This whole "search" sequence was filmed by Corman quickly at the end of production because the movie ended up without sufficient running time.). That assistant must like xylophone music for it constantly played in the background--the Little Shop Of Horrors soundtrack again.
Eventually (once that sequence pads out the film sufficiently), the assistant finds Dr. Z. in the hospital in a coma. Starlin visits him in the hospital and vows to take care of him. Gee, for someone so close to bankruptcy she is quick to spend that money, eh? Meanwhile, Cooper is studying Dr. Zinthrop's notes with his sidekick, the pipe, at his side in his lab. He then discovers about the discovery of the enzyme so he decides to go over to Zinthrop's lab to check it out for himself. His intention is to get a sample so he can examine it for himself, but him and his pipe are met by the Wasp Woman. This is what too much enzyme does to you, apparently—puts you in "wasp" makeup suitable for a grade school Halloween party.
Poor Cooper is doomed for he does not have a can of RAID on his person (it seems the smell of his pipe isn’t sufficiently repellant). Then the Wasp Woman begins to attack and (off camera) devours her victim (this was 1960 they could not show her chowing down on a human body after all, just a little chocolate syrup "blood"). The next morning Starlin and her board is having a meeting and no one is missing Cooper. You’d think someone would have noticed that there was no pipe smoke in the board room. Starlin goes on and on about the ad campaign but the board is not so enthused. She then has another of her "stinging" migraines, which ends the meeting that morning.
Meanwhile there are plans for Dr Zinthrop to continue his recovery in her offices. Hmm, her newfound medical skills have come in handy haven't they? Of course, she is not just doing this out of the goodness of her heart (duh!) for she wants him to recover so that he could make more of that formula. Meanwhile, the board members start noticing that they are not smelling pipe smoke so they start asking questions about Cooper’s absence. Starlin gives vague answers, which should have alerted Bill and Mary that something was up. Later that night, the night watchman is walking around the building when he hears a strange buzzing sound coming from a room. (Oh, the jokes I could make if this weren't a family zine!) The poor watchman never heard about the horror movie rules about strange noises coming from rooms being associated with a monster, for he walks into the room. It was no contest; the poor fellow didn't even have a fly swatter on him! No doubt, the Wasp Woman ate very well that night!
Staff people have noticed that the night watchman is gone, too--after all he left his lunchbox and radio behind. They all knew he would not go anywhere without those! With Cooper gone, it was up to the "Nick and Nora Charles " of this movie, Bill and Mary, to investigate. Bill and Mary go off to Cooper's lab to look around for any clues and they find Zinthrop's notes and his precious pipe. Gee, shouldn't someone (like Starlin) have gotten rid of those clues? Anyway, our detectives figure out that something is wrong. What gave them a clue, missing workers, Starlin's odd behavior, or that strange buzzing sound?
Meanwhile our jonzing Janice is badgering the still bedridden Dr. Zinthrop to make more of his formula. Okay, I know he is her hook-up, but she could have better bedside manners in this case. She then decides to turn on the tears, knowing that few men can resist that but the cries turn to buzzing in a few seconds. He looks on in horror as she, in that dime store makeup as the Wasp Woman attacks his nurse and flits off to the lab. After that bit of drama, Bill and Mary arrive to question Dr Zinthrop, and Bill sends Mary off to call the police. Yeah, way to go, Bill, send your girlfriend off to find a phone in a dark building with a killer lady wasp loose. Mary goes to Starlin's office, all freaked out and wanting to call the police. Unfortunately for her, she runs into Janice who again becomes the Wasp Woman. Instead of screaming, I think I would have cracked up over Janice’s new look. Good grief, Dr. Zinthrop is a quack, indeed.
Dr. Zinthrop then tells Bill that Mary is in danger for Starlin has mutated into a Wasp Woman who devours what she kills. Considering Starlin kept her figure throughout this flick, I’d like to know why all those victims didn’t go into her waistline. Bill and Dr. Zinthrop go rushing off to the lab, hoping that they are not too late. Bill fights the Wasp Woman while Dr. Zinthrop does his best Fred Sanford impersonation (I'm coming to join you, ‘Lizabeth!) and falls to the ground. Bill did not have bug spray on him, but he did have some acid conveniently at hand. After dousing her with the acid, he was able to push that pest through the window, therefore destroying her.
Amazing that she did not get the flying powers of a wasp, eh? Bill then finds Mary unharmed, although she killed every other victim before dragging him or her away (how sporting of the Wasp Woman to give Bill a chance to rescue her). The two share a clinch. So there you have it with this buggy movie, perfect to watch on a summer night. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to go to my favorite bar and get buzzed myself! Thanks, Crystal! Gee, you gals will do all sorts of nutty stuff to look young and lovely! I mean, mudpacks and waxing, and wrinkle cream, and all that goop. Good thing we guys are above all that stuff. I'd stay and chat more, but I gotta talk to some potentail advertisers--the Hair Club for Men and Just For Men. Article copyright © Crystal Guillory |
